Disclaimer: Some may consider this post both scary (because of the spiders) and gross (because of the pee).  You have been warned.

I was opening the door today to go outside and  noticed a spider had fallen off from his perch where it was waiting to ambush me.  I screeeeeeeched as it ran under a tiny opening under the threshold.  Now it’s somewhere in the house, strategically plotting its attack.  These are the things I think about when spiders get away.  I just went to the bathroom and there was a daddy-long-legs in the bathtub.  No big deal.  I smooshed it with a kleenex, threw it in the toilet and did my business.  However, had that been a real spider I would have flushed the toilet before I used it.  If not, I’d be paranoid that the spider would come back to life (zombie spider), bust out of the kleenex, some how climb up my pee stream and pull me into the toilet to my death.

I work in a nursing home.  The other day I was talking to a resident (who I’ll call D) and I noticed something slowly dropping down from the ceiling.  At first I thought it was a strange flying insect, but then I realized it was a spider.  I informed D of this (who is also afraid of spiders) and we tried to get some passersby to kill it for us.  There were no takers.  D said, “Well I’ll just kill the damn thing myself,” as he grabbed a newspaper off the table and swung at it.  I again screeeeeeeched.  It landed on the floor, and I was pointing at it saying it saying, “There it is, there it is!”  I was so freaked out, I was expecting D to run over it with his wheelchair.  I finally snapped out of it and stepped on it.  We then celebrated what we had accomplished together.

Keep your eyes open, people!!


9 thoughts on “Spiders

  1. I have 2 comments: You are now ineligible to become Buddhist and “I am woman hear me roar”. Good job!

      • I think you are not supposed to kill ANYTHING… but that doesn’t include plants. Janians which I think is more strict than plain Buddhism sweep the ground before them where they walk so they don’t ACCIDENTALLY kill a bug or something.

  2. LOL- I have to tell you, when I read a post like this I think we must be long lost sisters, or something. I am also deathly afraid of spiders- even the smallest ones freak me out and will cause me to “screeeeech,” as you so rightfully put it. The only thing worse than seeing a spider is seeing a spider get away and not knowing where it is.

    The two worst times to see a spider is when you’re in your bedroom and you realize you missed it with your shoe, and now have to worry about it crawling into your bed…(and we’ve ALL heard of that horrible, horrible statistic about how many spiders people eat in their sleep, right? Right?!)

    OR, when you’re in the bathroom naked and just about ready to get into the shower. Nothing worse than being vulnerable without clothes and not having a shoe in sight! Eeeek!

  3. Haha I love this post! I can handle small spiders, but big ones that crunch when you step on them no way!!! I have to slam my foot down really super hard so all you hear is my foot hitting the ground instead of the spider smooshing, ugh. Also, I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who worries about the creature I have dropped in toilet to ensure it is in fact dead will somehow come back to life and crawl out of the toilet and attack me. Ick, I feel all creepy now like something is lurking around and going to get me now.

  4. okay, ladies. i heard the most horrible story at work today and i have to share the terror. i was working on something and listening to one of my coworkers talking about how when her husband was little, he had a boil on his finger and it kept getting bigger. so his mom took him to the doctor, and the doc lanced it and all these baby spiders crawled out. i turned to her and was like, “what the fuck did you just say?” she said she asked his mom about it and she swore it was true. i would tell them to just cut off my finger.

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